time to climb in a hole

It must be a record: 2 horribly embarrassing moments in one day.

#1

It was a gloomy Thursday morning and I decided to drag my slightly-cranky and always-screechy baby to a certain enormous hardware store where they all wear orange. After fetching brackets and cutting a nine-foot closet pole for my guest room (yes, it's a huge closet), things were going well and the employees were surprisingly attentive. Navigating the store with this huge pole, a cranky baby and a cart is challenging at my best moments, so I was impressed to only drop the big stick once and only miss another employee's head by 2 inches.

Then we made it to the check-out and things really got hairy.

FK starts freaking out and trying to climb out of the cart while I'm attempting to hand the pole to the clerk and get out my wallet. Flustered, I pay and try to leave when I fumble the nine-foot stick and drop my bulging wallet filled with receipts! Several people rush over to help me collect all the little papers as they blow away (we were next to an open door) while an old man in line wrestles with cupcake to keep her from falling out of the cart. I almost smack this kind little old man on the head with the pole (oops) and then try to make my escape. Flora's screaming escalates because she's scared of the man who's touching her and so a different employee escorts the crazy lady out to her car.

It wasn't until I was driving home that I broke down into hysterical laughter.

#2

Later that same fateful day I managed to squeeze in a shower (yay!) and tiptoed out of my room dripping wet in my towel to make sure the baby was still happily snacking and watching Signing Times (she was) when I heard a knock on the door. Oh great. I don't have a peephole on the door so I peeked out of the blinds and there was my friend, Kelly. She spotted me and waved. 'Um...it's just Kelly and she'll totally understand', I'm thinking as I crack open the door. "If it's just you, Kelly, I'll open...I just got out..."

"Oh, hi Ben!"

Kelly's nine-year-old son (home from school sick that day) is looking at me with a smirk. His eyes are scarred for life after spotting his primary teacher fresh from the shower wearing only a towel!

Kelly quickly put down the items she was delivering on the porch and ushered her son back to the car.

Poor kid.